


Letters to Steve

by LokiLover14



Series: Steve Rogers [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Coping, Couldn't let go, Emotions, Explicit only in mentions, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Kind of a Diary but in letter form, Letters forgotten then found, Never giving up hope, Possible Unhealthy Way Of Coping, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Mommy, Reader Feels, Sadness, Sarah Rogers (Daughter), Somehow, Steve Feels, fear of the unknown, happiness, heart to heart, joy, sarah feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-07 13:16:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4264596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiLover14/pseuds/LokiLover14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set a while after the events of Some Dreams Can Come True, Steve's Daughter Sarah is sorting through some boxes, when she comes across some letters, letters written by her mother to her father, that she never knew existed, and gives them to Steve, who gets more insight in to how she was after he went in to the ice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for possible Triggers, as there are Serious Emotions in this.
> 
> For those of you that read and loved In My Wildest Dreams, this was originally what i was going to fit in to the follow on from it that i did where Steve meets the Daughter he never knew he had in Some Dreams Can Come True, letters written to Steve after his Plane went down and i decided back then not to add them to the stories, but my muse wasn't having any of it and decided to deprive me of sleep until i posted them, and so i could actually get some sleep, i decided to post them a chapter at a time.
> 
> I know i've always wondered about Bucky and Steve's Appartment after they left for war, and was it still there waiting for them for when they got back.
> 
> I re read over them, and I cried and cried as reading them actually reminded me of how i felt while originally writing them it really got me in the feels, like i was actually experiencing everything that was written in them, i know i would do everything i could to hold on to anything that reminded me of that person. 
> 
> I wasn't sure whether to include dates i'd originally written with the letters, so i left them out but if you feel they would work better then let me know and i'll add them.
> 
> Events from Wildest Dreams you will probably see mentioned in the letters, i think these letters are an insight in to how she was feeling and dealing with loosing Steve, and gives a more detailed timeline leading up to the events of Some Dreams Can Come True.
> 
> If you haven't read *In My Wildest Dreams* and its follow on *Some Dreams Can Come True, read those first them come back to this after. 
> 
> I might re edit so consider this the first draft as i'm not still sure on it, but when my muse speaks i listen.
> 
> So i'm so sorry if this makes you sad.
> 
> Unbeta'd so if you see any mistakes please let me know thanks, i'm off to cry in to my pillow *Sobbing*

Sorting through some boxes of stuff that her mother kept, Sarah Rogers, Daughter of Steve, found letters her mother had written to her father before, during and some after she was born, her mother's neat handwriting on the front of the envelope with her fathers name on them, she took out the first one to have a look wondering if it was a love letter, but after reading a bit of it she put it back in the envelope and put it back with the others, putting the box away with the intent of continuing with it later, and went to deliver them to her father.

Ever since that day when she found him, they had become really close and developed a strong father/daughter bond. After Sarah left Steve was sitting in the kitchen, he was surprised when she handed them to him and told him where she came across them. After a while he reached over and took one taking it out of the envelope and began to read.

 

 

 _My Darling Steve_                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

_The War is over, but you are gone, I can't believe it it feels like i'm dreaming and that i'm gonna wake up and find you next to me, you saved the world baby, but to do that I had to loose you, it hurts more than you will ever know._

_I  feel numb. I know its been a couple of years since you were home, my parents managed to coax me out of bed to go for a walk one day, and when I was out I happened to walk to your apartment, I found your spare key still under the rock where you kept it, and when I turned it in the lock the door opened, and I went inside, it was still how you and Bucky had left it, I stood there for a while just looking around after shutting the door behind me._

_I went straight to your room after that and I sat on the edge of your bed, I picked up your pillow to smell it, I thought after this long it wouldn't smell of you but the smell was still faintly there, I hugged your pillow and lay down on your bed, as I sobbed at the memory of the night we first made love there. I must of cried myself to sleep as when I woke just for a minute it was like waking up next to you again, and that loosing you was all a horrible nightmare, but it wasn't, can a person get any more heartbroken than they already are?._

_Oh Steve, god I miss you so much!!!!!_

_I got up and looked around a bit more at some of the things you left behind and didn't take with you, I picked up the picture of you and Bucky from Coney Island, you looked so happy, I miss Bucky to._

_I stayed late until I had to force myself to leave, I locked the door behind me but instead of placing the key back where I found it, I put in my pocket, so I could come back again._

_I didn't expect it to be left untouched Steve but all I can think of is that you must of been sending money back or something, so you had a home to come back to after the war, I can't think of any other reason why your apartment would still be untouched after all this time, but I feel closer to you in there._

_I know I can't send this letter to you, but maybe one day if you're ever found you might get to read it, I have to cling on to that hope Stevie, I have to._

_I love you so much Stevie_

**(Your Name)**

Steve sets the letter down, as the tears stream down his face, its a while before he's able to compose himself, to reach for another letter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again be mindful of possible triggers!!!! 
> 
> I managed to stop sobbing enough to be able to post, and thank you to LokiBlogger for your comment, and to everyone who leaves Kudos <3
> 
> Possible additional tags will be added as i post more chapters.
> 
> This is Unbeta'd and even though i've gone over it several times, please let me know if you spot anything i might have missed.

The first letter back in its envelope, careful to keep them in the order he found them he places it face down next the rest, and Steve moves on to a second one, teary filled eyes reading over the words.

 

_Stevie_

_I've been staying in your apartment more and more, over the last few weeks, and I ran in to your landlady when i arrived one morning, she remembered me, so I was pleasantly shocked, she was asking me questions about you and Bucky, and mentioned about money for the apartment, what she said scared me as at first it was sounding like it I would have to let it go, so I said I would cover the rent payments as i'd like it to be a nice surprise for when you got back home, she seemed more than happy with that._

_I know it was a lie, but this is the only thing of you I have left, and I can't let it go. I can't let go of you. I miss you so much everyday._

_She asked me if I was family and I said yes and when she asked my name, I told her giving your last name as mine, (Implying that we are married, as I didn't think she would allow it otherwise) she smiled and told me how nice a man you and Bucky were. I felt so proud of you baby._

_I moved my stuff in gradually over the next few weeks, with the help of my parents, they've been great Stevie, really supportive of the mess I am from loosing you, they don't question or try to talk me out of anything, I wish you could have met them, I told them all about that night you told me you loved me, and they said it sounded like you made me very happy, and you really did Stevie._

_The best day of my life was the night I met you!._

_I remember moaning back then at first to my friend, cause i'd never been on a blind date, but thinking back on that night, i'm so so glad she dragged me out, cause I got to meet you, and then fall in love with you._

_I started crying again one afternoon when I was reminiscing about you to them and they just hugged me until I stopped, they don't know that I cry myself to sleep every night in your bed, but being here with all our memories Stevie, i feel closer to you and it helps me._

_I know it might not seem healthy, but I need it, I need you more but you're gone, and that still hurts so much. My parents might not say anything but I can see it in their eyes sometimes when they hug me, but like you baby i've always been a bit hot headed, and once i've set my mind on it nothing will change my mind, and i've set my heart on this._

_When they searched for you and couldn't find you, I had nothing to hold on to, this is all that i have left of you, I haven't gotten rid of anything, or moved a single thing baby I swear, everything in here is still all yours and Bucky's, this is my way of trying to cope with out you, ~~but also in a sense with you, that probably doesn't make sense,~~ I think i'm getting sleepy from all the crying, i've been doing._

_I hope you visit me in my dreams._

_Good night My Stevie_

  
_I love you always_

**(Your Name)**

 

Sobbing Steve puts the letter back in its envelope and places it the same face down on top of the first, sobbing your name in to his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sniffle" 
> 
> Next chapter will be up soon, and when i say soon, i mean in the next 24 hours, as i'm also working on my other stories i've got in the works, i need to work on something happy in between after writing these out on here. 
> 
> http://l0ki-l0ver14.tumblr.com/ my love for the marvel universe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder for possible triggers !!!!!!

After splashing his face with cold water, and going for a run, Steve comes back home and reads another letter.

_Steve_

_I haven't been feeling to good, maybe i'm coming down with something, I will go to the doctors if i don't feel any better soon._

_My Mom has been staying with me the last couple of nights, to make sure i'm taking proper care of myself, but there's not much she can do, while I keep throwing up so she just makes sure I keep drinking plenty of water and keep warm._

_I did dream of you last night, you came home and were so happy to see me here when you walked through the front door, you picked me up and swung me around and then carried me to the bedroom, we made love, and after I was lying there with your arms around me holding me tight._

_Sometimes dreams feel so real, that you wish they could be, I woke up and it did feel so real, till it came back to me that you were still gone, and I cried in to the pillow again, till I fell back to sleep for a while, before waking up again later to rush to the bathroom where I started throwing up._

_God Steve, the pain of you being gone is still so raw, I wish I could hold you again, feel your lips against mine, feel your arms around me, your cock inside me, what I wouldn't give just to have you here again, i don't think i'll ever get over loosing you, i know you would want for me to be happy, but no one will make me as happy as you did._

_There will never be any one for me but you, I'll always love you baby, with all my heart forever._

_Missing you badly_

_Love always_

**(Your Name)**

He holds the letter to his chest when he finishes it, closing his eyes imagining doing the exact same thing you described in the letter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibles triggers!!

 After getting back from a mission, Steve opens another letter, a smile on his face as he reads

_My Stevie_

_I went to the doctor's to find out what was wrong as I am still not getting any better, and it took him a while to know why, Oh Stevie again I felt like I was dreaming when he told me, i'm pregnant Stevie!!. I worked it out in my head, and it must of been one of those nights after I first saw you again, I know its been months since we last made love, but its real, i'm gonna have your baby! our baby! I'm so happy._

_People have kept saying to me these last months, that maybe I should start trying to move on and let go as they said not doing so was what was making me ill, but they didn't know nothin of how hard its been for me with you gone._

_I could never let you go before and I certainly can't now, and even more now I cling on to that hope more than ever that you'll be found one day, you're out there somewhere and someday someones gonna find you. I've been thinking about these letters, I guess they have been kind of like a diary for me. I can't send you them, but that's okay, maybe one day you'll get to see them, I have hope for the future more now, cause I have a part of you growing inside me._

_I'm still a mess over loosing you, these months haven't changed that fact at all, but this wonderful thing that has happened to me, something I never thought i would have after I lost you. Every time I wanna talk to you, i'm gonna write you a letter, so you won't miss out on anything._

_Oh my darling Steve, i'm so happy, I can't wait to meet our baby, and wish you could be here for that, though i will never get over loosing you, and I will never let go of you, even more so now that apart of you will be with me forever._

_I know it won't be easy and will probably be really hard at times, but i'm gonna do it, for me, for you, and for our baby._

_Its like having a part of you back, even though you're still gone, I will never stop missing you, that just grows and grows more everyday, I need to be strong for our child, and I will be, I will do what ever it takes._

_Makes me love you even more._

_Love always and forever yours Stevie._

**(Your name)**

Reading it a few more times, he sheds happy tears this time, giving himself something he needs more than anything, hearing you sound happy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible triggers!!!!

Steve reaches for the next letter straight after he puts the last one down.

_Stevie_

_I had another dream of you last night, we were lying down together and you were caressing my swollen belly with your hand, saying how much you loved us both, before placing a kiss on it, then kissing me._

_When I woke up this time I had happy tears in my eyes as I looked down at my growing belly, i'm getting so big Stevie. Its still amazing to believe that in a few months time i'll be holding our baby in my arms. My mom visits every day to make sure i'm doing ok, she is so happy about the baby, even if it was a bit of a surprise when I first told her._

_I still cry over you Stevie, more so now cause of this life growing inside me, i'm happy one minute then crying the next, my mom says its because of my hormones, I asked my mom would the sad part ever feel any less sad, she hugged me and told me that it would get easier over time, but it would always be there._

_I'm an even bigger mess of emotions lately, but I wouldn't have it any other way because then I wouldn't have this wonderful miracle, ~~god that sounds so wrong, what I meant was..... grrrr!!!! I can't even express my self properly, I get flustered and then end up bursting in to tears.~~ , I try not to get to worked up as I don't want anything to happen to the baby._

_I don't know how to describe it Stevie, you're gone, but a part of you is still here, I cry because i'm happy that we created life together, and I cry cause you're gone and I wish you were here to share this with me. I don't know if any of this makes sense, or that it ever will._

_I am taking care of myself, i'm making sure I am and my parents are helping in every way they can, my mom mostly, sometimes I can't handle all these emotions I feel, its like i'm on overload sometimes, my mom just hugs me and tells me its gonna be ok._

_I'm gonna take a deep breath and try to describe it again._

_Okay here goes. I feel a mix of sadness that doesn't go away, because of loosing you, but then I have these feelings of absolute joy, as I experience this wonderful thing, but part of me feels like if I get to sad, something will happen and it will go away, but then if I get to happy I feel guilty because i'm still mourning over you, and its not even been a year yet._

_I gasped with happiness the first time I felt the baby kick, and its an incredible feeling, i'd take that any day over the throwing up part._

_Oh Stevie, its an amazing thing experiencing this, I know I won't be able to write much once the baby gets here, but I will write as much as I get chance to._

_I take a lot of naps to as I get tired a lot._

_Missing you and Love you always_

**(Your Name)**

He finishes the letter with a smile on his face, as he imagines how beautiful you looked.


	6. Chapter 6

Steve had read the last letter with a happy feeling that continues on as he reads the next

_Stevie_

_I'm so big, its not gonna be long now, the baby moves around a lot, sometimes so much I can't sleep for long with all the movement._

_I know I said before that I haven't moved a thing, but with the baby's arrival getting closer I had to with the help of my mom make room for them and I had to pack away the things in Bucky's room, don't worry I haven't gotten rid of them i've just boxed them up, and put them in a safe place._

_I can't be on my feet for long so most of the time i'm resting while mom helps me out, she's here all the time now making sure I don't do anything that I don't need to and every time I try to get up she's always telling not to and gets me to sit back down again, she worries about me._

_At one point during the day when she was here I had to tell her to go home and see dad for a bit or a least to have a couple of hours away, because she is here with me more than she is with him, she finally gave in when I said i was going to lie down, and came back a few hours later just as I was getting up from my nap, she only lives a little bit away so she can walk there and back._

_As soon as she came back though she was back to fussing over me again and_

 

Steve stares at the letter surprised at the fact it has ended in the middle of a sentence and places it down on the table, reaching for the next one.


	7. Chapter 7

_Oh Stevie_

_I know I left the last one unfinished, and it didn't feel right to carry on in that one, so I thought i'd just start a new one, its a girl Stevie!!. We have a daughter!! and she's so beautiful._

_When i was writing the last one, I felt something and when I managed to get up, the sofa was wet, when my mom saw me getting up and looking she asked what was wrong, and I told her that i thought i'd wet myself, I was embarrassed at first till she ask me did I feel anything before it happened and when I told I did her eyes went wide and she gasped._

_She told me I was going to have the baby, and got me to sit back down and not to move until she got back, thank god my parents don't live that far as it wasn't long till she came back and grabbed somethings before walking me out of the appartment and locking the door, I asked her where she went and she said she went to get my father so he could drive us to the hospital._

_I was starting to panic on the way there thinking something was wrong, and even more when the nurses came over to me when we got there and my mom was telling them what had happened, they got me in to a room and thats when the pain hit me, I screamed._

_I was in the delivery room shortly after, thankfully my mom was allowed in with me, as I couldn't of done it by myself, she held my hand and talked to me as the nurses told me what to do, which was mostly just push!!! But after what felt like forever, it happened and there she was. The nurse told me I had a healthy baby girl._

_I can't believe our baby is here, she's so beautiful Stevie, when I hold her, I feel so much joy. I can't wait to bring her home._

_Her name is Sarah, the same as your Ma._

_Love you so much Stevie_

**(Your Name)**

Happy tears roll down his face as Steve finishes the letter, the letter that told him, of him becoming a father.


	8. Chapter 8

Steve moves on to the next letter.

_Stevie_

_Our Daughter is amazing, and so beautiful, I sometimes find myself thinking is she really mine, i'm in awe of her, she's so perfect. Ten little perfect fingers and ten perfect little toes, she has your blue eyes, and a head of soft blond curls, she's the most amazing beauty i've ever seen and she's our's._

_I don't mind the fact that i'm a little more tired than I was before, but I don't like being to far away from our daughter, when she sleeps i watch over her, and I don't want to put her down when she falls asleep on me, and even that is an amazing feeling._

_My mom comes over all time, and fusses and coo's over Sarah, I was standing in the bedroom door way watching her sleep the one afternoon and, mom came up to me and said I should take a little nap my self while she is asleep._

_I just like watching her even though I could nod off at the drop of a hat stood there, mom had to push me to go and have a nap, saying that she would watch over her, as I wouldn't be any good to her if I was falling asleep standing up._

_I know she's right, even though I can't help it, I can't stand to be away from her. I love her so much, its another part of you I can't bare to be parted from._

_She's sleeping as I write this, I miss you so much baby._

_God I love you both so much._

_Forever yours my Stevie_

**(Your Name)**

His heart fills with pride and love for you, as he finishes this letter imagining in detail, how you described your daughter, and grabs for his sketch pad.


	9. Chapter 9

 

_Stevie_

_Its been a few months since i last wrote, and our daughter is now six months old, so beautiful she's sleeping through the night already, so i'm a little more rested than i was before, i think she looks like you, i can see you when i look at her._

_She's six months old and eating solid foods and she's only just started crawling, it was a incredible site to see, i squealed with joy the first time i saw her do it, i talk to her a lot and walk while holding her and pointing to things, i picked up the pic of you and Bucky again, telling her that was daddy and his friend, i want her to know your face._

_When she is old enough to understand i'm gonna tell her all about you, and make sure she knows how much her daddy was a hero, even though you're not here Stevie i want our daughter to know about you, and how much she would have been loved by you._

_Her baby speak is so adorable i find my self chuckling when i hear it, i sit on the floor with her in my lap and she gurgles at her baby rattle when it makes a noise. she can sit up herself with support mostly i make sure she's safe when she's on the floor, so she can't get hurt._

_She's getting bigger and stronger every day and i still can't bare to be away from her for long still, that hasn't changed so i sit with her and kiss the top of her head as she plays._

_My mom still comes round, but i also go to visit them often and dad loves seeing her, he dotes on her as much as mom does._

_I have plenty of snuggle time with her to, when i lie down with her i imagine us both on the bed either side of her, snuggling or even just watching her sleep._

_i think a lot about the things we would do together if you were here._

_I love you Stevie_

**(Your Name)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting chapters, this and other updates to my other stories are on there way ;)

_Stevie_

_It's been a while since i last wrote and i'm sorry its been so long, Sarah is 18 months old as of this letter, she's grown so much, but i'll try to get it all down for you._

_She can sit with out help now, she also has started to move about and she's fast just like her daddy, oh Stevie I wish you could see her, she never ceases to amaze me._

_I feel so proud to tell you this, but baby I wish you could of been there to witness when it happened, She was playing with her toys on the floor, when I heard her say "Dada"_

_Stevie, her first word was you!!_

_When I heard her say Dada, my heart filled with joy and sadness, I got up from where I was and went over to her, she crawled in to my lap, and I hugged her to me as I sobbed quietly._  


_I still talk to her about you, and show her your picture a lot, the last time I held her and showed her she reached out for it, and I told her that's your daddy._

_She's a happy child, she loves going to see my parents, her laugh when my mom blows rasberries on her stomach, makes me smile everytime, its as if mom does it just to hear her laugh. Dad likes taking a lot of pictures aswell._

_I'm probably writing all of this out of order, but a 12 month gap between letters is a lot of stuff to try and get down on paper._

_One of her favorite games is peek-a-boo, I could play for hours with her on that._

_She likes bouncing a lot, though my arms and legs would get tired after a while so I couldn't keep it up for long._

_When I would hold her she'd always have a hand full of my hair, or if she is sitting on the floor I would feel her tiny hands grasping at me and then gripping my knees I would hold her hands to steady her while she stands, or when she tries to climb on to the sofa, I would watch her and be ready to catch her just incase, our daughter fascinates me she's already so smart._

_She seems curious around other babies, she watches them and claps her hands together and babbles a lot, its so adorable to see her when she does this._

_I still watch her sometimes when she's sleeping, though now mostly her favorite place to sleep is in my arms with her head just over my heart, I think she likes the sound of my heartbeat, as when I look down she's fast asleep._

_I hope that gives you an idea of how our little girl is growing and getting bigger, as when she can walk I think there will be no stopping her._

_Though she hasn't met you Stevie I like to think maybe she misses you just as much as I still do, sometimes when she's asleep I find myself thinking about things like, I don't know any one I can talk to about you apart from my parents, did Bucky have any family?_

_I find myself feeling a need for something familiar sometimes wishing I could just talk to some one._

_I still feel like i've not covered everything, though everything i've written has been over the last 12 months._

_I love you Stevie_  
_Always_

**(Your Name)**


	11. Chapter 11

_Stevie_

_Our little girl is growing up, I can't believe she's 5 years old and in Primary School, I had tears in my eyes when she went for her first day, i've gotten so used to having her home, I didn't know what to do with my self._

_I mentioned in that last letter, that I would try to write more and again i'm sorry it took me so long to write again._

_In the last letter I asked if Bucky had any family, I tried to find out about them, and did find out that Bucky had sister(s) and a mom and dad, but I was unable to find them, so my hope of connecting with any one from the past was dashed._

_I've become friends with some of the mothers at Sarah's school and some of them lost there loved ones in the war to, they asked about Sarah's father, and I felt a bit weary telling some one who her father was, so I didn't tell them exactly who you were Stevie, just that you were MIA and presumed dead, (Not exactly a lie) but god knows what would happen if I did tell them anything else._

_Sarah knows your face now and keeps the picture of you and Bucky in her room. She's made a few friends now, but she doesn't say anything to them about her daddy being Captain America._

_I told her not to mention that to her friends, she doesn't understand yet why she can't tell people, but she knows her parents love her and want to keep her safe. Sarah is so smart, she talks to me about her day every night while she watches me cook dinner._

_When she ask's questions about you I tell her that her daddy would of been very proud of her and that he would also be very protective of her just like me, when she's older I will tell her why._

_She hasn't been sick once she's very healthy and very energetic, her hair is down her back now and she has long blonde curls, her beautiful smile reminds me of yours._

_I have more to tell you but i'm gonna put it in another letter._

_I love you baby so much_

**(Your name)**


	12. Chapter 12

_Stevie_

_Where do i start to tell you. Sarah is now 9 Years old as I write this letter and i'm worried Steve, I look at her and I can see you she looks so much like you now i'm scared everytime we go out, that someones gonna realize._

_It makes me on edge a little, that i'm constantly looking around, I see people looking at her, but then that could just be my bit of paranoia._

_She asks a lot about staying the night with my parents, so one night we did as I couldn't and didn't want to go home by myself._

_I know i'm probably sounding really paranoid, and its not like I don't trust my parents its just that the thought of if someone has found out, they could be watching and I couldn't handle it if I went home and then something happened when I wasn't there._

_I'm really protective of her Steve, she's my whole world, she's the only link to you I have and I treasure it she means as much to me as you do baby, because she's our's._

_She is still doing really good in her Elementary school, her teacher told me she's one of the best pupils there._

_Dad still loves taking pictures, and actually asked Sarah to "To give mommy a big hug" so he could take one, she's really getting tall now, I crouch down and even on my knees, we're the same height. She put her arms around my neck, hugged me so tight and pressed her cheek to mine, while looking over at her grandad, as he took the picture._

_I've been taking her to see the fireworks for the last couple of years on your birthday, like you and Bucky used to do, Sarah sat in my lap watching them, and I whispered in her ear, "Say Happy Birthday Daddy" she reached up to the sky and said it, i teared up when she did._

_She's growing up so fast, it feels like only yesterday I was cradling our little girl in my arms, I can't wait to see who she will become._

_Love you always baby_

_Forever in my heart_

**(Your Name)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!! Would you look at that an extra update that wasn't in the list i posted on my blog :D my other updates are taking a little longer than i actually thought, so i thought i would get another letter posted.
> 
> I've already mentioned when i posted the first one that i'd had these written out originally, but as i go back through them i find myself having to re tweek them a little each time, and I want to say a big thank you to my friend Lokiblogger, who has been able to help me work through any uncertainty i've had with them, and has given me some more ideas to make these letters even better than they originally were. <3
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left me kudos and some wonderful comments, you know who you are *wink* <3

_Stevie!_

_It's been a long time since I last wrote, and Sarah is 15 as of this letter and nearing the end of High school._

_I still have my moments of paranoia as when I look at Sarah I can still see you, but no one else seems to or they haven't mentioned anything and no one has approached us or her, Sarah would have told me if anyone had, I taught her well._

_Our daughter is a Teenager Stevie!! And I'm more in awe than I've ever been, she's nearly as tall as me now, and her hair is still down her back but now her blond hair is getting a darker color. She's getting such good grades, I'm so proud of her._

_She helps me with dinner when she comes home from school, and tells me all about her day and what she's done in her classes._

_Oh god Steve I didn't know what to do!!! She was helping me prepare food for dinner, when I heard her scream, I turned around and when I looked there was blood a lot of blood, she'd cut her finger and it was a really deep cut!!_

_I took her over to the sink and ran it under the cold water, and told her to keep it there while I went and got a towel, even after there was still so much blood, I was gonna get her to a hospital she was so scared, and I was terrified._

_We got ready quickly and were fixing to go, when Sarah wasn't crying as much, and was just sniffling, when I went to check her finger again and that's when I saw it!! The cut on her finger Steve it was almost completely healed!_

_Sarah really freaked out when she saw it, looking at me for answers, I sat her down and hugged her to me, reassuring her there was nothing wrong with her, realizing myself this was why she'd never been sick. Again, I had nobody I could contact or trust with this all I could do was continue to make sure to explain to her how important it is that no one ever finds out._

_Our daughter is all the more special because she's more like you than I thought Stevie, while we were sitting there she asked me did I know she was like this, I told her no it was as much a shock to me and I answered all her questions she asked me as she's old enough to understand it all now._

_I started with the picture of you that she kept in her room, and told her that it was her father when we first met and then what followed on later, how you became Captain America, and who you fought against in the war, and I showed her one of the comics, and that I wished I had a picture of you from during the war but all I had was that._

_I continued to tell her when we got back to the kitchen, I finished the preparation, and cooking after cleaning up, and though food was the last thing on our minds, we continued talking while we ate._

_I told her all about how you rescued Bucky and who Hydra were, and she understood why I was so protective of her not saying who her dad really was, and why no one could know how special she really was, because those bad people could still be out there, and they would come after her if they did, and that I couldn't lose her too._

_I told her what you had to do to make everyone safe and that you were still missing as they had been unable to find you, and I cried when I told her that all these years I didn't believe that you were gone and that you were still out the somewhere, and how I hoped one day that you would be found._

_That her dad would be so proud of her and that he would love her just as much as I do._

_I think all that information tired her out as when I went to her room to check on her a few minutes later, she was out like a light, though later on I was woken up by her asking if she could sleep in my bed with me, and as she cuddled up to me she drifted back off to me stroking her hair._

_It was the weekend the next day so we sat and talked more as she asked me more about different things, like how me and you met, and that she's taking after you in the way of how hot headed you used to be getting into fights with people twice your size. She's never gotten into any trouble herself though._

_She had a big grin on her face when I revealed to her that our apartment, was yours and Bucky's and that her room is where Uncle Bucky used to sleep._

_Every time she would have a question about you or something else I would tell her a story of what happened, she would come out and say she wanted to be like you more and help people the way you did, I felt a sense of pride, but also a sense of fear and I told her the best way she could help was continuing to do good in school, and then in university if she wanted to do more._

_I also begged her to keep herself safe and not to trust anyone with who she really is, as I couldn't lose her too. If was worried about her before I was even more so now, she promised me that she would keep it to herself, now she knows who her daddy really is._

_This letter is a lot longer than my others have been, because I wanted to get down all of what happened, I will protect our daughter Stevie, she's very smart and knows that what I've told her is all to keep her safe, I'll always answer any questions she has._

_She loves listening to me when I talk about you, even told me that it makes her feel closer to you as well and how much she loves you._

_I love you so much Stevie._

_Miss you always_

**(Your Name)**

Finishing that letter makes Steve wish he could hug you after reading all that, he can't imagine what it must of been like for you, he only knew a little bit of what happened from what Sarah told him, and he never thought to ask anymore about it. As he looks to the pile of letters that he has still to read its really small now. He had to move them from the coffee table to the desk in his room, as he didn't want to have to answer any questions he might get about them.

He looks at the time and thinks about maybe asking Sarah more about it when she arrives for dinner, getting up he heads out to get some things for their meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The year of this letter is the 1960's and i researched a bit about Universities in that time, they had a 10pm curfew back then and any one caught out after that time, was mostly likely to be expelled as it was very strict back then, Yikes!!
> 
> http://l0ki-l0ver14.tumblr.com/ my love for Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, including RDJ and Tom Hiddleston, and the Marvel Universe.
> 
> I'd love it if you come and follow me ;) xx


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Call me butter cause i'm on a roll :D 3 fics in 7 days *punches the air in triumph* hahaha 
> 
> A little time jump in this one. It's post the Winter Soldier movie. (don't forget this is written as an altered timelime) A bit of father and daughter bonding. 
> 
> Back to letters in next chapter
> 
> I loved writing this one, and i hope you like it to .

"How's the reading going" Sarah enquires while chopping vegetables, and placing them in a saucepan.

Steve looked at his daughter and smiled, "It's filling in some of the gaps" He replies

Sarah sighs before looking at her father like she wants to say something else but goes back to what she’s doing. Steve notices this and reaches over to place his hand over her’s. 

“What is it sweetheart?” He asks

Steve smiles, “C’mere” he says gesturing with his arms to Sarah.

Sarah stops what she’s doing and turns into her father’s arms.

“I just wish she was here with us dad” Sarah says

Hugging his daughter in a tight embrace and planting a kiss on the top of her head.

“I know me to” He replies 

He rubs her back before releasing the hug smiling at his daughter. Sarah smiles back finishing preparations of the food. 

Steve cooks while telling his daughter about when he was trying to join the army.

"Before I had the procedure, I had no chance of being able to fight in the war, all I wanted was be able to do my part, but no matter how much I tried, I kept getting rejected" Steve says

"How many times did you try" Sarah asks.

"5" He replies “I was told off by Bucky then by your mom” Steve says with a chuckle

Sarah smiles as she watches her father reminisce, "Mom told you off?" she asks.

“She was more concerned than anything else. She told me she couldn't help but worry about me, as she cared for me so much" Steve replies 

While eating their meal they talk about the events that have happened.

"When I was back at camp after saving Bucky and the others, I went to meet Howard and while i was waiting private Lorraine started talking to me after she realized who i was, she was talking to me as she got up from her desk and started walking towards me, she stopped in front of me and placed her hands on the collar of my uniform."

"It would of got real awkward real fast if it hadn't been for Peggy turning up when she did and rescuing me" he laughed looking at his daughter.

Sarah chuckled "She would of kissed you, and then you would of had some explaining to do" she added

Steve nodded in agreement, he'd only a few hours before been reunited with Sarah's mom, "Yep though i'm glad I didn't have to especially after the look Peggy gave me" he said

"So what did you go to see Howard for then?" Sarah asked

"He wanted to show me some prototypes for a new shield, it was how I ended up finding the one i have" he replied

Steve thinks back to the months before when he had found out Bucky was alive, how when he first told Sarah she threw her arms around her father happy about her Uncle Bucky. 

He smiled at that memory, his daughter happy that she would get to meet the man she thought of as her uncle, that excitement didn't wain even after he mentioned he's not the same person he was. 

He thought about when he told (Y/N) about Bucky being alive, in one of her then rare lucid moments. 

Sarah broke the silence by speaking again. “What are you thinking about?” She asks

Steve looked up and smiled “I was just thinking back to when I told your mom about Bucky” He said

“I’m glad that mom got the chance to know about Bucky” she replies 

 

Later after watching a movie, Steve reminisces some more with his daughter. 

Steve also thinking what he'd read in the last letter, asking his daughter which finger it was that she cut. Sarah held up her left index finger to her father to indicate which one it was and though he wouldn't of been able to see anything anyway he still wanted to know. 

“I’ll always remember your face when I took you to meet the others” Steve says to Sarah grinning.

Sarah grinned back at her father.

“I didn’t get to see you as a child but watching you with the others was a little like I was, you were like a kid in a candy store” He chuckles

“Well I was in a way” Sarah replied “I had grown up knowing my dad was a superhero and then I got to meet his teammates who were also superhero’s and the ones who saved New York. She adds proudly.

“It’s not everyday that you get to amaze Tony Stark either” Sarah beams at her father.

She didn’t know what they were expecting from the daughter of Steve Rogers but it wasn’t the sassy and hot headed woman that they got, in many ways like her father.

Steve a few times found her in Tony’s workshop with him looking amazed. He would be working on something that would be missing that something to make it work, Sarah would point out what he missing or suggest something to him, and see the look on his face when it came to life. 

To say Steve felt a little smug those few times is true, his daughter had quite the variety of degrees and phd’s under her belt.

The conversation moved on to how he found out about Bucky. 

Steve knew how worried his daughter was when they found out that Shield was actually Hydra in disguise. 

The only people who knew Steve had a daughter were The Avengers, which turned out to be a good plan, especially when Steve and Natasha were on the run from Hydra. 

Their evening ended later on and Sarah hugged her father before she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? 
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/LokiLover14onAo3
> 
> f0r-the-l0ve-0f-marvel-men.tumblr.com
> 
> My love for the Marvel universe, Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, RDJ, and Tom Hiddleston, ;)


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